


Eh, Why Not

by lbk_princen



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Sloppy Makeouts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 00:02:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2711582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lbk_princen/pseuds/lbk_princen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave has never seen Friends With Benefits. Karkat aims to correct this.<br/>Karkat has never had a friend with benefits. Dave aims to correct that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plot/character establishment, some mild makeouts.

When Karkat's best bro had told him he'd never seen Friends With Benefits, he was appalled. "How? It's totally your kind of movie, even if it is a romcom." But Dave had just shrugged, so Karkat insisted that they watch it together, which is what they were now doing. His dad wasn't home (he rarely was during the week) so they had the house completely to themselves. But as much as Karkat liked the movie, he hadn't realized watching the sex scenes with Dave sitting on the couch right beside him -- practically touching him -- would be so... awkward.

For the first one, Karkat had shut up with his dumb commentary, and snuck a glance at Dave, then hurriedly looked away, the tips of his pointy ears turning ashy red. Now, the troll blamed stupid hormones for the way his abdomen warmed as he watched the screen, because he'd seen this movie enough times to not immediately pop a boner when Mila Kunis takes off her shirt. But as he sat there, his hip almost touching Dave's, he was starting to regret every decision he's ever made ever, because his bulge is suddenly way too interested in everything going on.

Maybe halfway into the movie, Karkat paused it to get more popcorn. He busied himself in the nutritionblock, all the while hoping that Dave hadn't caught all the blushing and fidgeting he'd been doing. When the microwave beeped, Karkat shuffled over and grabbed the bag, clutching it with the tips of his claws so as not to burn his fingers. As he dumped the popcorn into the bowl he felt Dave's eyes on the back of his head and he pretended that he wasn't bristling because of it.

When the redblood shuffled back to the couch, Dave took the bowl of popcorn from him, and Karkat picked up the remote in order to unpause the movie.

"Do you think that something like this could happen in real life?" Dave said, jostling the popcorn bowl to shift the hot kernels around. Karkat's finger froze on the _play_ button, and his ears twitched somewhat nervously.

"I'm pretty sure it does," he replied, swallowing the lump in his throat that was in no way related to the topic of conversation, or the way that Dave was (probably - you never can know with those shades of his) staring at him. "I mean, I don't know anybody personally who engages in this kind of shit, but I'm sure it happens somewhere." 

"Would you ever do it?"

Karkat splutters, and drops the remote, his face flushing red. Dave's lips twitch, like the asshole thinks that it's funny. 

"No, I wouldn't!" the troll said, very loudly and firmly. "It's.... It's irresponsible, and, I mean, I guess if other people want to fucking screw up their social and sex lives by combining the two, they can go right the fuck ahead, but that's... not for me. It's not for me." Karkat finished by plopping back down on the couch, his face burning as he bent over to pick up the dropped remote. He heard Dave shuffle, and when he sat back up the blond was much closer than he had been.

"Can't knock it till you try it," Dave drawled, his sultry Texan accent taking over his voice in a way that made Karkat tingle from horns to toes.

"I." Karkat's face was the approximate shade of a tomato. Dave's face was the approximate shade of a smug, sexy, douchebag.

"I'm not going to have sex with you, Strider." Karkat leaned slightly away from the human. He trusted Dave, the guy was his best friend, so it's not like he felt unsafe, he just wanted to make sure it was clear he wasn't interested.

Even if his soft pink lips did look inviting. Even if Karkat had caught himself admiring (perhaps a bit enviously) the sculpted lines of Dave's body on more than one occasion. Even if listening to the soft rasp of a loose accent was extremely appealing.

Dave got the hint, and moved a bit away front Karkat, but he didn't seem to be perturbed at all. "Don't worry, nubs. I'm not asking for your virginal nook gift wrapped and delivered to my front door like a welcome basket, complete with a 'Congrats, you're the worst kind of scum on this Earth!' card. I'm just askin if you want to, y'know. Fool around a bit." He gave this sort of non-committal half-shrug, as if it weren't a big deal at all. "If you don't want to, just say so and I'll drop it. It'll be like this conversation never happened."

Karkat hesitated.

After a few moments of lingering hesitation spent studying the floor like it was the most interesting thing on the planet, Karkat finally gave a slow nod. "Yeah, okay. But I've got boundaries."

"Name 'em. I can play by your rules if it means I can partake in the game." Dave ran a hand through his hair, which was an immediate tip-off to Karkat that his calm and collected facade was no more than that- a facade. Dave was just as nervous as he was. It made Karkat's own nerves ease up, if only slightly.

"First rule is that clothes stay on," Karkat put up a finger to indicate that it was the first of his conditions. "Second, keep your fucking hands out of my pants. This will be the kissing only kind of fooling around."

"You betcha, karks. I'll keep away from your naughty bits, don't worry. That all?" Dave shifted one eyebrow slightly upwards, and Karkat scowled.

"You also can't tell anyone about this."

"Didn't plan to anyway." Dave grinned, and Karkat rolled his eyes.

A moment of silence and stillness stretched between them.

"Okay, so, how exactly do we-" Karkat was cut off by Dave leaning close and pushing their mouths together, his hands curled into fists on his own knees. The kiss lingered, and Karkat just sat there, a little bit dumbfounded. After a couple seconds of that, Dave made a frustrated noise and pulled away.

"Dude, what the fuck. It's like I'm kissing a statue over here. Put your hands-" he grabbed Karkat's hands and placed them on his own shoulders. "-there. Now kiss _back_ this time. Think you can handle that?" 

Karkat nodded mutely, and his eyes slid closed in the anticipation for Dave's lips. When they came, he pressed back, his arms slipping around the back of Dave's neck to draw him closer. Dave made a noise of approval, a hum that made Karkat's throat pulse with a low hum of his own. He felt Dave's body shift beside his, one of the blond's knees drawing up onto the couch so he didn't have to twist himself as much. Gently probing fingers glided up Karkat's sides. He tensed at first when he felt them, but relaxed the more Dave touched him.

Something warm and wet prodded Karkat's lips and he parted them unconsciously, and somewhere in the back of his mind he went, _well that's a tongue._ Dave was gentle, the tip of his tongue tracing lines on the troll's own tongue. Karkat's mind was too consumed to think about the situation properly. He just reacted, pushing his tongue forward to meet Dave's, not minding when someone's spit slicked the side of his mouth. Dave pushed him back, after a bit, and he gave easily to the blond, allowing himself to be coaxed until he was lying flat on the couch with Dave hunkered over him. 

Karkat felt some of Dave's weight on his leg and he broke the kiss, pulling back in order to nudge him into a more tolerable position. "Move," he grunted, knocking his knees against Dave's.

"Yeah yeah, calm your tits." Dave grumbled back, adjusting himself atop the other. When both parties were happy with the arrangement, they dived right back into the kiss. It was a little sloppy, but it was warm and great, and Karkat was enjoying it. Then Dave broke off from his mouth and started to kiss Karkat's jaw, edging closer to his neck. Karkat's already elevated pulse picked up speed as Dave latched onto the sensitive skin on his neck with his lips and tongue. 

A noise like a whine pushed itself from Karkat's throat, unbidden, and his ears grew warm with blush. "Dave," he mumbled, pushing lightly at the human's chest. 

"Mm?" Dave barely paused, and one hard suck went thrumming through Karkat's body, jolting his bulge to attention. 

"Okay, that's enough." Karkat pushed Dave off him forcefully, sitting up and wiping his slippery mouth with the back of his hand. His jeans felt a little tighter than they should have, and blush burned its way through his face like his veins were fuses. "I think you should go."

An alarmed look crossed Dave's face. "Did I do something wrong? Shit, Karkat, I'm sorry, I-" Dave stumbled into and over his apology, and Karkat just shook his head.

"Shut up, you blabbering moron. You didn't do anything wrong. I... it was.. nice." Karkat faltered, awkwardly ruffling his own coarse black hair. "I just thought that was an appropriate time to stop. But really, you should be leaving."

Dave raised an eyebrow, and Karkat was at least glad that he didn't look distressed anymore. "What about the rest of the movie?" 

"We can watch it later," Karkat replied dismissively, standing up. Dave stood as well, and he let Karkat lead him to the door.

"Soooo, what exactly did you think? On a scale of 'grossest thing ever' to '10/10 would snog again'?" Dave queried as Karkat practically shoved him out the door.

"Fuck you, assface." Karkat rolled his eyes at Dave's antics, and the human gave him a thumbs up and a smirk.

"Maybe next time, nubs."

Karkat shut the door in his face.

The troll walked back over to the couch, his boner half-dead. He didn't feel comfortable touching himself right then, considering that the weight of everything that had just happened came crashing down on his mind. The popcorn bowl sat on the coffee table, untouched, and the movie case was lying on the floor. Karkat reached out with his leg and dragged it closer with his foot, before bending down to pick it up and examine the back. _Friends With Benefits._ He'd seen the movie hundreds of times.

He knew how it ended.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen and Karkat reconsiders his relationship with Dave.

Warm fingers worked their way into Karkat's hair, the press of chests and tangling of legs making his breath come quick and fast. He puffed air against Dave's chapped lips, which were busy trying to devour the troll's mouth. Dave tugged his head back a little, not enough to hurt but enough to pull a pleased (submissive) noise from his throat. Shirts were riding up from the shifting that had been done, and the bared flesh of Dave's midriff was soft and inviting under Karkat's fingers.

The boys were tangled on Dave's couch, half-eaten boxes of Chinese food sitting on the coffee table along with two Wii remotes. The TV glowed dimly with the Super Smash Brothers Brawl character selection screen. Muted rap music that was a constant presence in the Strider household permeated the air, but the only noise that Karkat cared about was the hitched breath of the boy beneath him, the occasional hum of "yes, good" or a mumble of "stop that".

It's been weeks since their initial makeout session. Afterwards when they hung out alone, Dave hadn't really brought it up, letting the troll come to him, Karkat suspected. He had spent several days buried in paranoia and anxiety about the situation, stressing about and overthinking it. He became hesitant to invite Dave over, even though he knew he was being stupid and what they really needed was to talk about it. Finally he had called Dave and asked him if he wanted to finish watching the movie. Once the blond was there however, the movie was abandoned and they ended up kissing for an hour. They had kept the trend up, and now practically every time one had come to the others house things devolved into sloppy makeouts.

A broad, warm hand slid from Karkat's hair, down his back, stopping at the top of his pants. Dave fingered the belt loops of Karkat's jeans, and he pulled back from the kiss enough to be able to speak. His eyes cracked open, red and bright with a hungry energy that made Karkat shiver. His shades were pushed up into his hair, and he thumbed one of Karkat's horns gently, his other hand still messing around with his pants.

"Have I got permission from the cutie to touch the booty?" Dave murmured, making Karkat open his eyes. His already flushed face darkened a little more, and he avoided meeting Dave's eyes.

"Go for it," he muttered in reply.

A tiny smirk crossed Dave's face before he captured Karkat's lips in another kiss, the hand on Karkat's lower back descending into ass territory and giving an experimental squeeze. A low rumble pulsed in Karkat's throat, and he pressed back into the touch slightly, shoving his tongue into Dave's mouth while he was at it.

Judging from little aborted half-movements, Karkat was pretty sure Dave was holding himself back from rolling his hips. He wasn't sure what he thought about that, he just continued to enjoy the kneading of Dave's hand on his ass and the warm wetness of the kiss. After another couple minutes continuing like that, Dave was twitching pretty bad, his breath coming hot and heavy and a very obvious hard-on pressing into Karkat's leg.

"Hey," Dave said, breaking away from the kiss again. "Do.. would you be okay taking this to my room?" The blond licked his lips, and the motion paired with the look of lust in his eyes sent thrums of desire and panic through Karkat in equal amounts.

"Um," the troll said intelligently, shifting back enough to look at Dave's face properly without being cross-eyed. He thought about being led by the hand to Dave's room, about lying on Dave's bed with his legs spread and the other on top of him. He thought about how Dave would lick his lips, red eyes half-lidded and hazy with lust as he skillfully unbuttoned Karkat's jeans with one hand. As hot as the fantasy was, a lump formed in Karkat's throat and he shook his head. He wasn't ready for that.

"No. No, let's stay here. Moving would... ruin the mood." Karkat dipped his head to avoid Dave's gaze, ducking to the human's neck and mouthing the skin there tenderly. "However I am willing," he continued, mumbling against Dave's pulse. "To revoke the rule about clothing. Take your shirt off." He said it without thinking, too caught up in the moment. But there was no denying that he wanted to run his hands over Dave's torso, feel his muscles flex under his skin as they kissed.

Dave nodded, and Karkat sat up on Dave's lap, suddenly reminded of the human's boner. As Dave wrestled with his shirt, Karkat assessed the situation, the realness of what was happening pressing down on his mind and shoulders. The blond tossed his shirt to the floor and carefully dropped his shades on to of it, before looking back to Karkat. "Welp." Dave clapped his hands against Karkat's thighs, not hard enough to hurt but enough to make a sound. "You gonna do the same or what?"

"Uh." Karkat didn't offer anything else, instead choosing to run his hands up Dave's sides, over his shoulders and coming to rest on his collarbones. Dave smiled fondly, and something about the sheer sincerity about the look of affection on his face made Karkat's head spin. This situation was one he had never expected to find himself in before he had invited Dave over to watch that movie. 

Something must have shown on Karkat's face, because Dave's smile died on his lips, and his brow furrowed with concern. "Hey, Karkat? You alright?"

"I can't do this."

"What?" Dave's concerned expression gave way for surprise, and he sat up a bit more on his elbows, even as Karkat was climbing off him.

"I can't do this," Karkat repeated, sliding his hand through his hair as he paced the living room. His thoughts were in a turmoil, and he squinched up his eyes as he paced, back and forth, raking his hand through his hair.

"Dude, calm down. You're gonna burn a hole in the carpet. Just, fuck man, just talk to me." Dave's eyebrows beetled together again, and he sat up fully, swinging his legs over the side of the couch to place them on the floor. "You... You haven't been uncomfortable this whole time, have you?" His voice grew strained and worried, and Karkat realized that Dave thought he might have been pressuring him into this the whole time.

"No, no it's not that. When I want to stop I fucking say stop. You didn't force me into anything." Karkat sighed heavily and scrubbed his face with his hands, not slowing his pacing any.

"Well then what's the matter? Couldn't handle hotness of my rockin' bod?" the blond flexed his arms, grinning at the troll.

Karkat dropped his hands from his face and scowled at Dave, crossing his arms. "No, you unfairly attractive puppet-humping shitbag. I'm just.... The realness of what's going on is getting to me."

Dave ignored the puppet-humping comment, despite how Karkat knew that whenever he brought up the puppets Dave would always jump to say "They're Bro's, not mine", and instead the human nodded slowly, then patted the spot on the couch beside him. Karkat paused in his pacing and gave Dave a critical stare. After a moment of hesitation the troll gave in and went to sit next to his best friend, propping his chin up in his palm and staring down at his feet.

"So, uh. You know I'm pretty shit at feelings-sharing, but do you want to attempt talking about it?" Dave asked, still sitting there shirtless and with a raging case of boner syndrome evident in his pants.

"I don't know. I mean I knew this was a bad idea, even when fucking I agreed to it. Nothing's happened so far that I didn't expect, but I guess between the second time we did this and now I've just been going with it, not really thinking about it properly." Karkat made a frustrated noise, low in his throat. 

Dave stayed silent for long time, and Karkat's ear twitched. He had expected Dave to at least say something, but he was just sitting there. 

"Dave-" Karkat began with a sigh, only for the human to cut him off.

"You could've told me. If you weren't down with this, you could've just said so." Dave's voice was flat, monotone, as he reached down to pick up his shades and slide them on, followed by his shirt. It felt like a punch to Karkat's gut, not the words themselves, but the whole of Dave's actions. The shades were a barrier, and the fact that Dave felt the need to put them on while talking to him made his chest ache with an unnameable sort of sorrow.

"Have you not been listening, shitmaggot?" Words raced through Karkat's mind, arranging themselves in long fanciful sentences full of expletives. But Dave spoke up before any of them could leave his mouth.

"Yes, I fucking have! It may come to your surprise, but I can do that. And what I'm hearing is 'this was a mistake'. You literally just fucking said that you 'knew this was a bad idea'. Now _I_ feel like the creepiest fucked-up piece of shit for making you agree to it." Dave stood up, and Karkat just stared at him, wide-eyed and open mouthed.

"Dave you _moron!!_ You didn't fucking make me do anything! You make it sound like I felt pressured into doing this but I _wasn't._ I made the conscious choice, but in hindsight I wish I hadn't." 

Dave recoiled as if Karkat had stung him. The troll realised how bad that had sounded, and he stood up too, apology in his eyes.

"Yeah, wow, thanks. Thanks Karkat, I liked makin out with you too. I think you can find the door on your own. I'd offer to show you there, but I wouldn't want you to accept and then later wish you hadn't." Bitterness filled Dave's voice and the boy stuffed his hands in his pockets, turning on his heel as if to walk away. 

"Dave," Karkat said. Dave didn't turn, and kept walking away.

"Dave you idiot! You don't even know how the fucking movie ends!" Karkat balled his hands into fists, but his expression morphed to one of shock when Dave whipped around.

_"Yes I do."_

Both boys froze for a long moment, staring each other down.

"Wh-what?" Karkat internally smacked himself for stuttering, but he held his ground.

"I know how it ends." Dave's voice was hard, unforgiving. Karkat's ears lowered, and he slowly unclenched his fists. 

"How does it end, then?" Karkat's voice was quiet, hesitant. 

"They fucking fall in love." Dave turned around again and hunched his shoulders as he absconded quickly to his room, the door shutting with a slam that made Karkat wince.

The troll showed himself to the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat make up then finally settle their arrangement.

Dave and Karkat didn't talk for a while after they had their argument.

Many times, Karkat had picked up his phone to call him, or hover his mouse over the _start trolling_ button beneath the taunting line of _turntechGodhead [TG] is online!_ But he could never do it. He was scared of what Dave would say, that the blond wouldn't forgive him. But the longer he went without word from the human, the more hyper-actively anxious he got.

Karkat paced his respiteblock, a repetitive back-and-forth back-and-forth that did nothing to aleive his stress, but made him feel better at least. It had been a full week since the last time he talked to Dave. They rarely went that long without speaking to one another. Karkat had chewed his lips into a bloody mess, and thoughts about the argument and Dave in general kept him awake at night.

Finally he steeled himself to do it. He picked up his phone and he didn't even need to think, his fingers had the familiar number ingrained in muscle memory. The phone rang several times, but Dave didn't pick up. His answering machine came instead, the sound of beatboxing meeting Karkat's ear as his heart sank. 

_"Yo, you've reached Dave Strider, but I'm not here; leave a message at the tone or try again next year."_

Karkat rolled his eyes at the lame rap as he waited for the beep that signaled it was recording, then launched immediately into an apology.

"Dave, I'm sorry. I- I fucked up, and I'll admit that, but we can't just keep on ignoring each other like this." The troll gulped, swallowing down nervousness. "Fuck. I just... I miss you, I guess is what I'm trying to say. And that this is exactly why I thought the whole... business was a bad idea. This kind of shit ruins friendships. I liked it while it lasted, I did, you're... I find you.. fuck, nevermind, I'm not going to say that. I just don't want to ruin us, Dave. I'd rather be just your friend than not talk to you at all, you selfish bastard, but I'd rather... I'm.. I want-" Karkat never got the chance to say what he wanted, because the phone beeped again and then tone-dialed. He growled in frustration and hung up, collapsing down on his couch and rubbing his temples. Everything was too complicated.

After making that call, Karkat bundled himself up in a duvet on his couch, watching Love Actually, which always made him feel better. He couldn't enjoy it to the extent that he usually did, however, because he kept anxiously checking his phone for a reply from Dave. About halfway through the movie, Karkat's phone dinged at him, and he jumped, tearing his thumb away from his mouth where he had been nibbling on the nail in order to pick up his device. Though he would vehemently deny it if questioned, his hands shook as he unlocked the phone and went to his messages.

TG: come over

It was only two words, but they weren't "Fuck off" or "I hate you never speak to me again", so Karkat felt relief hit him like a hammer, making his head spin. But of course, as it always does, the paranoia crept in after. What if Dave wanted him over so that he could yell at Karkat in person? What if Dave was going to hand him all the clothes, games, and movies the troll had ever lent him and sent him on his way with a "I hope I never see you for as long as I live"? Karkat swallowed back his emotion and worry, blindly hitting the keys out of muscle memory.

CG: BE THERE IN 10.

It took Karkat exactly three minutes to pause the movie, untangle himself from his blanket, launch himself off the couch, put on socks, and get out the door. The walk was a familiar one, and his stride was sped up, the warm air doing nothing to help the nervous sweat breaking out along the back of his neck. He reached Dave's apartment complex in five minutes, and he steeled himself as he started to ascend.

Karkat licked his lips as he climbed the stairs towards Dave’s apartment, worry and dread making his limbs heavy. His thoughts were sluggish, and the only one he could keep a firm grip on was _I want things back to the way they were._ From where he was standing, that didn't seem very likely, however. Part of him just wanted to curl up and die, the part that couldn't bear to be away from Dave and his friendship.

Blinking the mist from his eyes, Karkat realized he had been staring at Dave's apartment door. He hesitated, and became aware that he was grinding his teeth. Bad habits, bad habits. He had too many. 

The troll took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock, but before his knuckles could even touch the door in swung inwards, revealing Dave; silver blond hair combed and soft looking, shades in place, and his expression set to default- absolute neutral. The breath that Karkat had collected was suddenly lost, and he stood there frozen, drowning in his own anxiety. Dave must have seen the fear in his eyes, because his mouth curved up in a comforting smile, and Karkat heaved in a breath as Dave stepped back and gestured for the troll to come in.

Karkat did, entering on wobbly knees and making a beeline for the couch so that he could sit down. Dave joined him, sitting on the opposite end, pointedly not touching the other.

"Dave I'm-"

"I'm sorry." 

The conviction with which the human spoke more than anything else made Karkat's jaw snap shut.

Dave raked his hand through his hair in a frustrated movement, then leaned down and put his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, Karkat. You were right, this was a dumb fucking idea and I shouldn't have suggested it. It did stupid things to us and it's very clear that you just want to be friends... So I'm willing to forget about all this if you are."

Karkat stared at his hands for a moment, slowly curling them into fists. "Why do we have to pretend like it never happened?" he asked, pulling himself from his own thoughts. "Because no matter what you want to believe, it _did_ happen. Why do you have to try and fucking erase your mistakes from your mind instead of learning from them and moving forward with the knowledge of how to not repeat them?" He turned his gaze on Dave, his eyes clouded over with some kind of questioning look.

"Well, that's unfair. You've done it plenty of times too," Dave countered, looking up. 

"That's not the fucking point. In any case, I don't do it anymore. I don't want to forget that this ever happened, I just want it to stop happening currently. There is a difference. And I'm going to say it again, even though at this point I'm starting to feel like a fucking parrot here: I didn't not enjoy it. It was just too much for me. I can't handle that kind of physical shit when there's... when there's no emotional shit behind it. And I didn't want this to ruin our friendship." Karkat felt strange saying that out loud, it didn't really sound right to him. Dave straightened up a little, his brow creased.

"What if there was emotional shit behind it?" Dave asked, sounding a bit detached. Karkat's heart skipped a beat, his breath catching in the back of his throat.

"What do you mean?" he choked out.

"Well, that's how the movie ends, isn't it? They fall in love?" Dave pushed his shades up into his hair, his eyes searching and vulnerable. 

Karkat stammered and spluttered, unable to make his words work. So he just nodded.

A silent moment stretched itself out and curled around them like a giant, overbearing cat. A weight settled in Karkat's gut and got heavier for each second that ticked by without Dave saying anything. He could tell the human was trying, at least, his lips twitching with aborted noses and an invisible _Loading..._ sign above his head. 

Finally, Karkat couldn't take it anymore. 

"Are you saying you love me?" it came out strangled, anxiety trying to crush his windpipe like a merciless hand at his throat. 

"Uh.." Dave's look of concentration gave way to concern, and he glanced down at his hands quickly before making eye contact with Karkat again. "Is that... cool? Like, is that okay with you?" 

Karkat made a choked noise that maybe sounded like a laugh if you pretended hard enough. 

"You're asking me permission to be in love with me?" His smile felt weirdly delirious, mostly because there was still tight pressure in his chest. He should feel relieved, he should be happy, _Dave loves him,_ but he couldn't focus on it, he was too consumed by his own paranoia.

Dave must have realised what was going on - Karkat had had panic attacks around him before - because his position shifted and his expression went from mildly concerned to _oh shit._

"Oh shit," Dave breathed, and he shifted closer, hesitant to get to close or touch Karkat in case he made it worse. "Karkat, dude, just.. um, fuck, what can I do? To help you? Just, breathe, or something."

"Or something," Karkat repeated, his voice breathless and distant. He didn't realise his hands were shaking until Dave grabbed them with his own.

"It's okay." Two words. Just two words. But they weren't "Get out," or "Fucking weirdo," so they came as crushing relief. Tears brimmed in Karkat's eyes and he hated himself for it, but that was probably okay because Dave _loved_ him.

Without further prompting, Karkat leaned into Dave, whose arms immediately went around shaking shoulders. It took Karkat a moment to find his voice, clutching at Dave's shirt with his cheek pressed against a warm, sturdy shoulder. "Yes," he hiccuped. "Yes, you can love me. I want you to love me, I want..." he trailed off, and Dave squeezed him, signalling that it was alright. 

"You okay, man?" Dave murmured, his breath stirring Karkat's hair, sending pleasant prickles down his spine.

"I think so. No- don't let go yet." When Dave tried to loosen his grip, Karkat tightened his, and Dave chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of the troll's head. "Sorry," Karkat mumbled, shame making his face burn.

"Nah, don't worry about it. We can keep hugging, it's all good. We could get surgery and be like siamese twins. You wouldn't ever have to let go. We'd literally be joined at the hip."

That made Karkat snicker, and he headbutted Dave in the jaw, making him let out a muffled, "Ow." 

"That would make for some pretty fucking awkward makeouts."

"I don't know about awkward. Definitely interesting. The real question is: would it still be sex if you touched my dong, or would that be considered a form of masturbation?"

"Dave, oh my fucking god." Both of them dissolved into laughter, and Dave held onto Karkat until the troll let go. 

Karkat wiped his eyes with his sleeve, a smile lingering tentatively on his ashy face. It was hard not to feel good right about then, the pressure had been lifted from his chest, and he was consumed by a feeling similar to nostalgia, warm and detached. It was nice to settle back into that easy state of mind that he usually experienced when he was around Dave- when the blond wasn't being a _complete_ asshole.

"So, uh," the asshole began, running his fingers through his hair in that nervous gesture Karkat was familiar with. It made him feel even softer on the inside. "How about we try this whole thing again. I'd like to kiss you, but not as my friend with benefits. I wanna kiss you as... my boyfriend, I guess." Dave laughed awkwardly, staring down at the floor.

"Dave," Karkat said, very seriously. Dave looked up, swallowing nervously. "That's really gay." 

The blond cracked a grin and leaned forward, his hand going to cup the back of Karkat's neck and reel him in for a long, loving kiss. Karkat reciprocated eagerly, tugging Dave closer to him.

When they broke apart, gasping gently for air, Dave laid another soft kiss on the corner of Karkat's mouth. "In case you haven't noticed, we've been pretty really gay for a while." 

Karkat rolled his eyes and said mockingly, "No homo."

Dave chuckled and swooped down to kiss Karkat's neck. "All of the homo," he whispered against the troll's skin.

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write a sex chapter but ehhhhh. I'm not really feeling it. Sorry to disappoint :(


End file.
